I’m old enough to remember the previous incarnation of dating. The get set-up by a friend, the meeting someone in person at a party, bar, work etc. After my divorce, I decided to try online dating. Online dating for those of us who dated before it was ‘the way’ to meet someone, tend to find this dating method very bizarre at least at the beginning.
I should also say that I have had a dating profile for a few years. In that time, it has been visible for maybe a month in total. I have a very low tolerance for online dating. I am pretty sure I don’t really like it. I believe I have viewed enough profiles, communicated, and met enough people to try to offer some assistance and an occasional suggestion.
- Bathroom selfies – please don’t. I understand the mirror assists with the pose and sometimes there isn’t someone around to take pictures for you but I have not met anyone who is interested in your bathroom. If you still choose to take & use a bathroom selfie (check the area, pick up dirty clothes, clean off the counter, wipe it down….really)
- Smile – I see a lot of serious poses. If that is the only picture you are providing, I have a hard time picturing you as fun or happy. There is nothing wrong with having a serious picture but balance it out. Find others where you are smiling and/or doing something you enjoy. (variety)
- ‘Tell you later’ – if that is the extent of your profile, it is a hard pass. If you can’t figure out even tidbits of things you are looking for or enjoy why are you on?
- Read the profile before sending a message – People who have profiles with more than 3 words often provide clues (pretty much the point of them). I put some pretty specific things in my profile. The number of people who obviously didn’t read my profile is so high, I have to include this. I appreciate if you see my pictures and think I am attractive (I am human after all). Too many times it is immediately clear that we are not going to be a match based on our profiles. If you can’t be bothered to take 2 minutes to read some sentences, there is basically a slim to none chance I am going to spend any energy on you.
- Hi sexy & Hi – give the person you are sending a message to, something to reply to. Ask a question, wish them a good day. I rarely engage someone first (not fair for sure) but when I did, I said something specific. It doesn’t guarantee a reply but it drastically improves the odds.
- The reply timer – can’t speak for other people but I don’t usually stay logged into a dating site. Personally, I would log and check email and then get off. I have received any number of messages when I exceed an arbitrary reply timer. Exceeding this timer results in a snarky often angry reply. I actually appreciate those messages because I find them helpful to remove those people. If someone doesn’t reply in a day or two – just move on (save the snark and anger)
- Grammar – this is going to sound obvious, but apparently it isn’t. Do your best to use sentences, spell check and please refrain from a CAP LOCK profile. When I am reading a profile an occasional typo or error doesn’t bother me. If I have to guess what you are saying or see a profile that has many misspelled words, the appeal lowers significantly for me. Is it fair? I don’t know but it’s the truth.
- Sexy, Babe, Love and Lonely – Once again, this may be personal to me but don’t use these words when you barely have exchanged first names. I have had men I hadn’t even met in person tell me they missed me when they went out for the evening. I have had men use the word love before meeting and even before talking on the phone. Wanting to find the right person for you is one thing, talking about how lonely you are gives me the impression you are looking for someone to fill a void, not necessarily the right person to move forward with.
- ‘Those pictures’ – I should not even have to write this. There is no reason by now you have not seen enough memes and posts on social media to know that women do not want unsolicited pictures of your junk. If you have had a conversation and you both agree to exchange pictures of whatever, have at it. I have never met a woman who thinks getting a random picture of a mans junk and unfortunately other things was a turn on or the deciding positive factor in whether they want to meet you. JUST NO
These are based on my personal experience. It should be pretty clear by now I view male profiles and received message from men. Women may do the same thing or there may be another completely different list all together but this is just based on my experience.
Do you have any suggestions for people who use online dating? Did I miss some obvious ones? What are some of the suggestions men have for women?