So it’s been a while since my last post and if you read it, you are aware why. When you are not directly impacted by a loss, you feel badly for others but your life continues relatively normally. The struggle for those who find themselves drowning in the grieving process is that they don’t have that option. A month later, 6 months later even 9 months later, the enormity of the loss is still there, its just that no one asks about it anymore. You find yourself still working through your feelings but there is no opportunity to really say it out loud anymore. We, as a society, tend to forget that grief does not end after the service, it is the return to ‘normal life’ that usually brings you to your knees. I am guilty of it as well, the longer we are able to live, the more loss we know about. We are so focused on our own lives, we tend to forget that although we care, we no longer ask.
Since my last post any number of other things have happened. Before 2015 ended, I had my own brush with hospitals and surgery. That was a thing. Thankfully, it ended up being best case scenario although there were certainly moments, days, weeks of too many unknowns wrapped in fear.
I did start Grad School less than a month after my dad died and have completed year 1 of a 3 year program. Interesting challenge, still working full time, being a parent and suddenly having your own papers and weekend classes happening at the same time. It has been hard but it has also been pretty amazing.
Years ago, I used to be suspect of people who appeared happy all the time. I didn’t understand how they could always seem happy. In this brave new world of social media, there is a whole new level of only showing people how wonderful, happy and amazing your life is. So, you may not be shocked by this but, my life isn’t perfect and isn’t always happy. I struggle all the time as I imagine most people do. What I have learned though is that the more you focus on the garbage, the more you focus on the garbage.
My blog and my life aren’t always happy but, I do everything in my power to spend more time focusing on the amazing things in my life and how lucky I am. So, if you know me, you know I can be as cranky & judgy as the next person, but I am also keenly aware of how blessed I am by the people in my life and the opportunities I have.
So, the last 9 months have been quite the ride (mostly through the various rings of hell) but there have also been so many examples of kindness, friendship, support, loyalty and amazing love from those who choose to make me a part of their lives. While I continue to grieve and protect yet another shattered part of my heart, I will be alright, eventually.