changes · dating · growth · journey · moving on · starting over · Uncategorized · words · writing

brave new world

So, there are many experiences that I never anticipated having.  Certainly getting divorced was one of the biggest.  With that huge life change come a truckload more. Everything in your life changes, literally everything.

My thoughts today are around trying to be open to someone new.  If you have read this blog before, I was in another relationship after the divorce which ended, creating another set of starting over obstacles to work through.

There are a lot of men & women in their 40’s who find themselves in the same or similar situation.  You haven’t ‘dated’ for decades and you may not have been great at dating your first time around.  There are a plethora of websites, catering to any number of people.  Not only are you trying to navigate this starting over process, the ways people meet has vastly changed as well.

In many ways, I am a much better catch than I ever was the first time around.  I am smarter, I am more secure (sometimes) in who I am, what I offer, and have very little desire to portray myself as anything other than me. I don’t have the time, energy or inclination to try to be someone I am not.

I know a lot of what I am looking for in a relationship and know for sure that I will happily live my life alone before I will ‘settle’ into a relationship that isn’t with the right person for me.  I believe that you really need to know that while you would like to be in the right relationship, you have to be at peace with the fact you might be alone.  Settling because you are scared or lonely is never the right decision.

Things get a little wonky though in this new world of meeting people.  I have mentioned before I rarely make it to a 2nd date/meeting.  I have also mentioned that there was a time that I didn’t realize I was completely and totally emotionally unavailable (probably not a good time to try to meet people).

So, I spent a good bit of time dealing with that little road block & ventured back into the bizarre dating pool.  While I have had a  dating ‘profile’ for quite some time, 90%+ of the time that sucker is hidden.

Awhile back, I met someone and we seemed to get along pretty well. We had things in common and had easy enjoyable conversations. It was nice to have some male attention that didn’t make my skin crawl.  We started seeing each other.

I felt happy yet uneasy.  I realized that I wasn’t sure I could trust myself.  I started questioning if I was really listening to my ‘gut’.  I wasn’t sure if I was giving too much slack or not enough slack.  I was questioning myself a lot.  Was I being open? Was giving someone the benefit of the doubt a good thing or not?  I would literally pray for clarity, that I could be open to possibilities.  I was standing on some super shaky ground.  Was I focusing on ‘little’ things or were they warning signs?

All of that discomfort, all of that questioning should have been my clue.

I couldn’t listen to my gut because I was too busy questioning everything about myself.

So again, as the ‘there is always a lesson’ girl….I realized that this guy entered my world to teach me a lesson.  He was not meant to stay for a host of reasons but he was there to show me that it is possible to meet someone who if even for a moment allows you to think that maybe there is someone out there for me for the future.

It taught me that while I need to be open to a new person, I need to always, always trust my gut/truth/inner voice.  It was clear that he wasn’t ‘it’, but for a while, the time we spent together actually allowed me recognize that there is hope.

 

 

 

 

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