grateful · journey · loss · memories · sadness · words · writing

I forgot….

Often when I start a blog post, I have a title in mind but right now I don’t so let’s see where we end up.

Yesterday, my brother asked what my mothers legal name was.  He was in the midst of filling out a life altering document, his marriage license application.

It was a group text to the siblings but initially I didn’t realize it.  I started to reply to his message and then I saw my sister’s reply.

2 things hit me, I forgot & how incredibly sad I was that I did.

Back in the day my mom had one of those monogram pins that she would occasionally wear & once my sister reminded me, it came rushing back but when asked, I didn’t remember.

One might think that this is not a huge thing, forgetting that might not seem earth shattering but once my sister reminded me ‘KBS’ it really hit me hard.  Those were the initials she used and really I should have remembered that.

It has been 18 years since she died but the realization that I didn’t remember the right answer immediately & that I almost answered wrong, blindsided me.

I know that things fade with time, I forget things all the time without feeling a wave of sadness but this one stung.

I love sharing stories about my mom with my kids, things she used to do, when I say something that could have come directly from my mother’s mouth, it actually makes me smile.

I do keep her memory alive, but last night was a reminder.  It was a reminder of a lot of things.  It reminded me that she is not here, she will not be with us in Mexico to watch her son marry his soul mate.  It reminded me of loss and sadness.

Time does help the active, acute pain of losing someone but deep, life altering loss, does not totally leave you, not ever.

So, please take a moment and love someone today.  Be grateful for those you have with you and make sure they know that they are loved.

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