Sometimes fear is a complex thing. Sometimes it hides itself inside of something.
I love to write, it is something that I feel that I need to do in order to be happier. So one might think that since I have this blog and write posts, I am doing what makes me happy.
It does thankfully, but (why is there always a but…) part of why I love my blog is the type of writing I do here. Generally they are short posts, I rarely write blog posts that you really need to put time aside to read. Some days I feel as though I have this style of writing down and I am good at it. That makes me happy.
The ‘but’ is that I have ideas that aren’t suited for blog posts, I have thoughts and ideas that I want to write about and explore more deeply but don’t because they require commitment and time. They are longer, more involved topics that I know in order to clearly communicate, need a much longer commitment than my blog posts.
In the end it scares me because if I begin that process, there is more to lose. And there it is, the fear. Logically, there is more to gain as well but fear has no time for logic so I have allowed it to remain in my notebook as thoughts, bullet points and short statements instead of trying to see where it goes.
So, while I don’t have a fear of writing and found a way to allow my fear to hide for a long time, deep down I know I have to deal with the longer, more thoughtful topics that scare me and run through my head at night when I am trying to go to sleep.
If you haven’t guessed yet, I started writing this morning and after a page of thoughts, I needed a break and came here….baby steps