So this has been a week in my world….
At around 2am early Wednesday morning my man-child woke me up and told me he was in pain. In my barely awake state, we had a conversation trying to determine what was going on. My teenage son generally does not come into my room in the middle of the night.
Because the title of this post is keeping it real, I will. I spent part of the time he was talking wanting to send him back to bed so I could go back to sleep. It would appear that when I am woken up like that, my selfish ‘leave me alone & let me go back to sleep’ seems to crowd out my loving, caring mother side. I realized that at 2 in the morning my knowledge of human anatomy is worse than usual (which is not all that impressive), outside of the fact I figured it wasn’t his tonsils, I was at a loss. While I am not proud of this fact, I really wanted to send him back to bed so I could as well. Visions of his appendix exploding and killing him in his bed after sending him back to bed, finally propelled me out of my warm cocoon.
We ended up in the emergency room for about 5 hours, it was determined he had kidney stones.
He is finally feeling better now but I share this with you because I am tired of intentional & unintentional messages, posts, articles etc. that make people/parents feel bad.
We are human, flawed and beautifully imperfect. We get cranky and selfish (in a bad way) from time to time. It doesn’t mean we are bad, it means we are human. In the end, my mom side kicked in but that doesn’t mean my warm, comfortable, half asleep self didn’t want to just be left alone.
The beginning of the interaction with my poor kid was not my proudest moment but it was how I was really feeling. It isn’t right or wrong, it was real. No matter how positive you are in your life, how much gratitude you practice, we all have moments. It’s ok to have moments, it’s ok to feel ‘put-upon’ on occasion, it’s ok to feel overwhelmed. It is all part of our experience.
Like I did, most of the time you will get out of bed as well. You will take care of what is important but it doesn’t make you bad or less that you struggled with those thoughts or feelings.