It may seem a little dramatic but, I thought of a different idea for a blog post. I spent a lot of time working on it, saved it, picked categories & tags for it as well. It was sitting quietly in my draft folder waiting patiently for the morning when I would publish it.
Hours later, the blog post returned to my mind. I realized, no matter how funny parts of it were, it was a judgemental post. A post that if published at the right time, or if I used the right categories & tags could possibly garner some attention. It would appear that I do not do any of those things well generally, but there was a chance it could happen.
I liked the way I wrote it the blog, I think it was witty with a little sharpness to it without it being a rant or mean spirited. In the end, I’m pretty sure I picked the topic because I was looking for bigger numbers, more impact.
I considered going back into the blog & trying to add more balance to it, to make it less judgementat but in the end, I just knew that it is not who I want to be, it is not how I want to portray myself & the blog would never see the light of day.
It wasn’t mean, but I was passing judgement. I believe that we should be supporting eachother, building eachother up instead of tearing others down. I spend a lot of time trying to focus on positive things instead of negative things. I try to celebrate when I catch myself reverting to my negative thoughts. At the same time, as virtually all of my blog posts acknowledge, I am certainly a work in progress.
So, while I truly believe these things, I also wanted my voice to go further. I wanted more traffic, more likes, more comments. I wanted from total strangers what I have worked hard not to care about in ‘real life’, your attention, a moment of your time, & yes I willl admit, I was also seeking your approval.
So there it is, a defining moment for me.
While I would love more traffic, deep down I know that I need to write for me. I am a writer, I write what I feel. I try to write in a way that I hope other people enjoy. I write about things I feel are important, either because it is something that I am/have experienced or I believe might be what someone may need to hear.
Writing helps me, it helps me learn about myself, like the blog post that wasn’t.
Thanks for reading, here is a reward for sticking it out until the end.
Emeli Sande — Clown
This is what she said about the song:
“It’s about how I felt when I was trying to get signed, I was going for all these meetings and people were looking at me like ‘What do we do with you’? It’s about not allowing yourself to be judged by others or to be taken for an idiot. I feel the video reflects that” Emeli Sande 2012.
I chose to post a link from a live performance instead of the video, because honestly I find the video distracting to what is a great song by a woman who delivers.