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The bra

Why yes, I have decided to go there today.

I have a love/hate relationship with these contraptions. I believe that as this post develops, I am going to realize there is probably more hate going on than love but I have surprised myself before.

First, I feel I should begin with the obvious, Why?

Why is there a contraption for women’s breasts? Why do we need to cover them while man boob’s are allowed to run rampant in the world?

Why do I have to push-up, pad, constrain, conceal part of me?

Why do I have to feel, that if I even contemplate leaving my house without a bra, it is wrong? Why is there a pervasive undercurrent about a woman who would go ‘braless’?

If you are thinking they bounce around too much, take a look at my arms one day, those bad boys bounce way more than what is the aftermath of weight loss & gain, pregnancy & age on my poor boob’s.

So, are there moments when I love a bra? Hmmm, perhaps I should have said a like/hate relationship with the bra. I will admit that occasionally a bra can make me feel better about myself.

Why?

Well any man reading this post, because here is Victoria’s actual secret…….padding & illusion.

There is enough vanity in me that when I strap that bad-boy on it will lift, separate, push up & create the illusion of cleavage where left on their own, not so much.  As my friends are well aware, I literally refer to the girls as ‘false advertising’ when I wear a bra.  After the required adjusting of those poor little things swimming in the padded, lifting bra to make sure I am providing the best false impression of what I do not have naturally, there is so much extra room, I could probably leave the house without a purse.  I am pretty sure I have enough room to store my keys & wallet in there.

When women get to a certain age or point in their lives, they become afraid that they are more likely to be featured in National Geographic than Playboy.  When that slap of reality & the laws of gravity hit you, sometimes you feel you need to pull out the big guns.

Here is another secret about the bra.  They really aren’t all that comfortable.  They may not be painful but they are no pair of yoga pants, that I can promise you.  There are so many variations of ecard type posts about bra’s.  There is a reason for that.

bra1 bra2

bra3bra4

As we all know there is often a lot of truth in humor.  While these ecards are funny, they are posted by women over & over again.  The question one might ask yet again is why?  Well, because they are a damn pain.

Then there is the pressure.  Not only do you need to wear a bra, you need to wear the right one.  The right size, the one that makes you look better than you do naked, the one that doesn’t pronounce the fat all around the chest area when you put it on.

You should, of course have a variety of them, different colors for all occasions.  While you will NEVER look like the airbrushed lingerie model, you should have some sexy undergarments too.  You never know when Channing Tatum (or just insert your favorite eye-candy crush) will just appear in your life & you need to be prepared.  Let’s not even discuss the matching set dilemma.  What does it say about you if your panties don’t match your bra?

It says ‘Be grateful I am allowing you to even see that they don’t match’  so there 🙂

So the vain part of me & the conform to socially required crap part of me, will continue to torture myself but whether I embarrass my kids or not, at home, while doing a drop off or pick up when I am not required to get out of the car, or when I am just feeling rebellious (wearing a sweatshirt or other method of camouflaging my lack of bra) you are just going to have to deal with it.

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