So, you may have realized by now, I am not the sharpest crayon in the box about some things.
For the new people, a relationship I was in ended a while back. As you might imagine, it took it’s toll as any breakup would.
So, at various times since, I decided that I needed to rejoin the living & date.
I have become the queen of the the 1st meeting also being the last meeting. For a host of reasons, I just could not imagine spending more time with these really nice men. Once I realized I had a pattern, I decided that I needed to give people a chance & stop with the shutting people down before I gave them a chance.
Yeah, so I won’t keep you in suspense, that didn’t work either.
After a 2nd & last date with a nice man, I called a friend and invaded her house (one of those I’m in your driveway) kind of invasions. As I was lamenting the fact that anytime I meet someone the only adjective I can use to describe them is ‘nice’….She said, ‘We are emotionally unavailable’
(Please recall the crayon reference above)
I hadn’t realized until that moment I went from totally open & vulnerable in one relationship to literally being an emotionally unavailable woman to a man.
Logically that makes perfect sense, without conscious thought, I put up a huge barrier to protect myself. I could have saved these poor men a few bucks had I taken the time to think about it.
I had to put some of the puzzle pieces together, just because I was ‘getting out there’ or trying to ‘move on’ didn’t mean I was ready. I knew from the start, it wasn’t working so I would be on & off the dating site like a ping pong ball, taking long breaks before deciding to jump back into the crazy.
So I am going to do the men in my area a favor & allow them to save some money. Dating site, I’m out.
When the time is right for both of us (whoever you are, where ever you may be)
I am open to finding the person I am meant to journey with. I will allow myself the grace to work on other parts of myself & let the rest happen when & if it is meant to happen and when I am ready to be vulnerable again.
This is not a race, this is the rest of my life.