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Detour

So I knew what my next post was going to be about until this morning & my detour.

I little bit ago, I started writing a quick blog leaving out all kinds of pertinent information & actually apologizing for it.  So I am now editing this post & am going to try to be more transparent because in the end when I speak in code, I realized I am hiding.  The hiding was a bit of shame, feeling weak & not wanting to own it.

I realized this morning after getting an email notification that I had been unfriended (no, not the first time) on one of the too many sites I have an account on.  Depending on the site, I am sure I am unfriended more often than I realize, but I purposely looked at my ‘connections’ this morning & discovered a name missing.

I wasn’t surprised but I was sad.  Still part of the process.  The me I want to be would just ‘bless & release’ while the me I still am decided to do a search.

The search led to a discovery that I was unprepared for.  I uncovered something I didn’t know, I got a piece of information & have no idea if it is a good and happy thing or not.  A few months ago, I would have known the whole story, I would have been a part of the process of un-named ‘discovery’.  I am not, in the reality of today, the information is none of my business.  (The specific information I ‘saw’ is not being published here because quite frankly, it’s not my place to say it & while I struggle with many things, I do not betray people’s trust whether or not they are still in my life or not).

So today I am struggling.  I am struggling with my emotions.  I am struggling with thoughts and feelings.  I am trying to allow myself to feel what is swirling around because I am really working to honor & acknowledge my emotions without allowing them to run me over.

So, I guess I will ride it out today while hoping & praying that all is well with someone I used to know.

 

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Detour

  1. I am familiar with the discomfort that arises when you realize that the nature of a friendship has changed and you are no longer kept in the loop about the friend’s life events. It is a little like getting a punch in the stomach, you catch your breath for a moment and say “When did this happen?” Sending prayers that you are able to process your feelings with grace and courage.

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