So after cold & rainy weather, South Carolina is finally scheduled for some nice warm weather for the next few days. For those of you still staring outside at mounds of un-melted snow, hang in there!
I woke up this morning, spent some quality butt on couch time with my coffee mug, made a short list of things for the day. I tortured myself with some tabata’s & went out for a drive.
As I was driving, I realized ‘I’m happy’. A feeling that I haven’t felt for any period of time for a while. What I loved about it was that is wasn’t caused by anything specific, there is no 1 thing happening today to be the source of this foreign ‘happy’ feeling. Things add to it, the weather is amazing, my girl child who has barely been home for weeks, is safely in her room getting a few precious hours of just being home & I painted my toe nails a spring green (yes, I said green…not my normal which appears to be a good thing). Plans to do a quick run with her for jeans in a bit & going to see the musical tonight, as they are recognizing the seniors after the performance.
I paused in my thought process a few times, I wondered if it was going to last and I wondered if it somehow took away from the grieving process I know I am still going through. I realized that this feeling was meant to be embraced today. Will I think about things that I am still working through? Sure. Will I see something or do something that will spark a memory that brings some pain of loss back? Probably. I can’t control that, so when it happens, I will feel it & hopefully let it go.
I listened to the radio, which I haven’t been lately because music is so personal to me, it is always a reminder. I heard ‘Happy’ twice as well as a song or two that had very specific memories for me. There were a few minutes of pause, but it was really kind of ok.
It’s ok to be happy, to feel happiness. So I am not going to examine it anymore, I am just going to try to revel in it for as long as it chooses to stay. I believe it will make it easier for happy to re-appear.
So for you today, I truly hope you can find some real deal happy. I hope you take the opportunity to cherish who you choose to spend time with, I hope you laugh so hard it gives you a core workout. I hope that you know, no matter what you are going through, what worries, sadness, or gremlins running through your mind, someone wants you to be happy.
I hope if you are not happy, you find the courage to change it.