I am struggling with having so much I want to say but, they are fragments & pieces of my journey, none seem ready for the light.
I have had so many realizations in the last two weeks. Generally, I am actually proud of myself for my willingness to ‘see’ what I do, to ‘identify’ my patterns.
I have been learning to feel my emotions without letting them cause me to stop & revert back. I think in little ways, I am learning that seemingly impossible lesson of surrender. For months upon months, I would try to surrender to the reality of what I was going through but was really unwilling to ‘Let it Go’ (sorry, now that the song will be running through your head for the rest of the day).
The other day I posted about patterns, here is one.
One of my ‘patterns’ is that I am a ‘giver’. That is my comfort zone. It is such a crutch, or deeply ingrained pattern, it makes the ability to receive virtually impossible.
If I need help, need to ask for help, I will honestly get a stomach ache. Why yes, it is that bad.
From the simple act of receiving a compliment, I am the person who will deflect it in some manner verbally instead of taking it & saying Thank you.
So, my assignment is to learn to receive. In order for us all to work well, to feel good, to move forward, we often need to learn how to balance. Being a giver sounds lovely but if you can not also receive, there is something wrong.
It is the synergy between giving & receiving that promotes balance. If you lean too heavily on either side, you are out of kilter.
So I have to find ways to just be open to receive…..
I hope you are brave enough to think about your actions & find an assignment you can work on too!
Enjoy your day, it is the only Friday, March 7, 2014 you are going to have. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to look back & think ‘what an amazing day that was’?