It is time for an intervention. My poor blog post that was ready to go has been demoted because apparently I need to tell you something. I will admit that I have been up since 4:30am & have spent 3 of those hours driving. Based on both of these factors, I decided that this blog post is more important than the finished one waiting patiently in my draft folder.
BY ALL THAT IS HOLY…..STOP ADDING ACCESSORIES TO YOUR CAR/VAN/TRUCK!
Today I will limit myself to the following –
• Bumperstickers/Stick Figure families
I am not sure how to explain this to you nicely so I am just going to yank the band-aid off.
You and your family are the only people who care.
I am sorry but apparently someone had to tell you.
Here is the truth.
People in general, the random strangers you share the road with, honestly & truly do not care. I assure you, as they headed out this morning, not for one moment did they wondered about the members of your family in chronological order or the number of pets you have living in your house. They also did not start their car & wonder if your child is an honor student who has climbed Mt. Whatever while being a superstar at their sport of choice.
I’m going to let you in on a secret. They are either preoccupied with their own lives or they are judging your driving ability. They are either glad you are not annoying them or you are annoying the crap out of them & they would like you to get out of their way.
Why are you announcing to everyone so much about your life on your vehicle? Why do some of you even put your last name too? I thought we were all so concerned about our privacy and who can ‘see’ what about us, our lives & our children but it’s ok to put everything but your blood type on your car?
Listen, using flip flops & sea turtles gives you a tiny bit of slack because those are things I love personally, but now we have gone a little beyond…there are star wars & mickey ears, little apples, owls and who knows what I have forgotten in my typing frenzy.
Be proud of your family, children & pets. You should be proud, but why are you advertising it? All of the important people who matter & love you are probably well aware of all of these things already. Why do you need to splatter all of this across the back of your car?
• glass/ crystal thingy-ma-bob you have hanging off your rear view mirror
To the woman who had the glass/crystal thingy-ma-bob hanging from her rear view mirror. I hope it is soothing or its aura helps you in some manner when you are driving because when the sun hits it just right, it blinds the person behind you. Namaste
• ‘Vanity’ plates
You know they are called ‘Vanity’ plates right? You have to pay extra to be vain. Ok, actually I have run out of steam. I couldn’t care less about what hieroglyphics you put on your license plate. You were added because the woman mentioned above with her blinding crystal happened to have one. Rock on PARTYPAM!
I think I need a nap, or a drink, or both…….. 😉