Trying to determine when this is true can be more difficult to determine than one might think.
Should you be a ‘sheep’ and just follow blindly? Probably not..
Should you surrender to things that you can’t control? Probably
Is it easy to clearly see the difference? Not always
The specific running through my mind this morning is aging.
Why yes, I have a birthday on the imminent horizon.
2 years ago when I started this blog, I was 45. For those who are awake this morning or have not been exposed to the new ‘common core’ 100 step math process, you may guess that 47 is on its way, ready of not.
This year with my children’s blessing, I am going away overnight by myself. I am driving to one of my happy places & will spend the time with a lot of random strangers hoping to ‘win big’
I don’t really know how to embrace 47. In the eyes of young strangers, I am old. Those who haven’t traveled into their 40’s perceive this decade as old, I remember being a child and when a neighbor turned 30, there was a coffin place in their front yard. Perspective is everything.
I think deep down I assume 47 should feel a certain way. I have no idea what ‘way’ that is & tend to think that the way I feel is not equal to it. I have often wondered what being an adult is supposed to feel like, there are many days I feel like an impostor. Why was the ‘adult’ handbook not sent to me? Why do I have to navigate this blind?
Last night a few of us had our first official meeting of our book club. There was a balloon, a little pretty cake & a present. My initial reaction was that I didn’t want to sit at that seat. It’s so silly really but it was my honest initial thought.
I am trying to surrender to things I can’t control or change. It is so hard sometimes.