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Reflection

I was listening to a webcast & one of the things that was mentioned was that you should acknowledge and appreciate what happened last year.

2nd month into 2014 and I was stumped.  Personally, I don’t equate the ‘new’ year & ‘resolutions’ as a positive experience.  Resolutions were usually focused on things I wanted to change, and that usually is a negative.  Until recently, I wasn’t actively aware of how I viewed it.  A ‘resolution’ was always things I should be doing (that I am not) or things I shouldn’t be doing (that I am).  Perhaps that is why I stopped making them a long time ago.

When I heard ‘you should acknowledge & appreciate what happened last year’ I was at a loss.  There were things I immediately was ready to ‘acknowledge’ but I was tripped up over ‘appreciate’ since that seemed more positive and apparently harder to remember.

How quickly I forgot that last year was my ‘face my fears’ year.

I participated in the St. Jude Warrior Dash – besides raising money for a charity I love, I ran (not a fan of cardio), climbed over a wall or two (heights & I aren’t friends).  Although I choose to skip a wall or two, I ran through fire, crawled under barbed wire and quite a few other obstacles I normally would never encounter by accident or on purpose.  I can remember how scared I was really up until it started.  Once I started (and told people who can really jog to go without me), I was really proud of myself.  To many this would have just been something cool to do, for me, it was kind of a big deal.

I also went zip-lining.  In fairness, I have wanted to zip line for a long time but if you were paying attention, heights & I are really not on friendly terms.  I always hoped that the whole harness thing would some how allow me to overcome the fear.  To add another level of anxiety, I went with my kids.  Nothing worse than potentially being a big huge baby with your teenage children with you.  I am not going to lie, I almost didn’t do it.  The guide was also pretty sure I wasn’t going to do it.  Spoiler alert…I did it and as scary as it was (and yes it was beyond scary for me), I loved it.  We did 5 or 6 lines & really after the 1st one, I was good!

Last year I also helped people.  At first I didn’t put it into the ‘face your fears’ category but I realized that actually in at least one of the situations I actually had to.  When you really feel like you were able to help someone, it is a beautiful feeling.  Sometimes being vulnerable and open doesn’t always turn out the way you expect but there are times that in order to really be there for people, you have to really be there.  The trying to help part wasn’t my fear, the vulnerability to be really open and honest was.

So now I am trying to focus on some things I want to do this year.  Not as a resolution but as a paradigm shift.  I really need to look at some of my beliefs, determine which ones are limiting me and which are serving me.

Baby steps…..

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