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Judge, jury & executioner

I never thought I had strong opinions of things.  I have met people who feel passionately about things, topics and issues.  There is something about people who feel that passionately, they so truly believe in what they are discussing, you can feel it.  I don’t think I have ever felt that completely passionate about an issue (I don’t think so anyway).

I find as I get older & supposedly wiser (still up for debate), that I am becoming less judgmental in some ways yet more judgmental in others.  I wonder is that strange or normal?  Perhaps a little of both.

On topics and issues I consider ‘big’, I am less judgmental.  My view on life has always been that I try to not use the phrase ‘I would never’.  Maybe it’s a throwback to test taking, usually steer clear of the always & never answers on a multiple choice test.

My philosophy is that while I assume that I wouldn’t or would, unless I am actually facing the situation I don’t know what I would do.  I can believe that I would make a certain choice, but who knows if actually faced with it what my choice would be.

Here is an example –

Women who leave

I don’t recall specifically when I first realized that some women leave their families and children but I do recall feeling disbelief surrounding the idea of a mother leaving her children.  Let’s use Kramer versus Kramer as the example here.  Well because why wouldn’t I use Meryl Streep as an example given the chance.  I judged & found her guilty.  This is not meant to be a discussion on why hearing about a man or father leaving did not cause the same reaction, this is about me.

Add some years, I am babysitting my best friends infant son.  She and her husband are both out.  I love this baby boy.  Unfortunately though for me and the baby, he is beyond fussy.  Colic?  I don’t know what is wrong but this baby that I love cries for hours.  Nope not an exaggeration, he cries and cries and cries.  I had a vision of running out of the house, of just needing it to stop.  I was only there for hours, not day after day, night after sleepless night.  I didn’t leave but I certainly learned a lesson that day, and gained a little empathy.

Add some more years, a marriage & a baby to the mix.  Let’s be honest, every mother understands how a woman could leave.  I won’t even pretend that I don’t understand.  I didn’t leave and I honestly can’t imagine leaving but oh boy do I understand the feeling.  To me it isn’t that I condone or think it is the right thing to do, it is the understanding of how overwhelming things can get.  I am forever thankful that I never got to the point where I really left but let’s call a spade a spade, I have sure felt the desire to.  I guess I have a hard time with people who condem.  Deep down are you really telling me that you NEVER thought about disappearing?  You never had that moment of ‘I can’t do this’ or ‘I can’t do this anymore?’  I’m not asking if you have ever admitted it out loud, I am asking you to be honest with yourself.

Because I understand, I try not to outright judge.  I believe with all my soul that I would never leave but it doesn’t mean I don’t have some understanding of the feeling.  Do I believe what they did was right?  Probably not but I try not to be judgmental because if my situation was different, if my life was different who says that couldn’t have been me?

This blog could become War & Peace length with the unending topics that I could talk about, we could chat about divorce, cheating, religion, sexuality or even abortion but I will choose one more hopefully less emotional one.

Plastic Surgery

Plastic surgery has become as much a part of our world as a teeth whitening it seems.  20 years ago, not so much.  Since I am not a big fan of pain or scars, and 20 years ago, I was completely unconcerned with wrinkles or sagging, it seemed extreme and vain.  The pictures you saw were those people seemingly addicted to surgery.  People who seemed determined to totally change their appearance.  There is a woman who they called the cat lady or the Barbie twins.  The exceptions, well I am assuming the exceptions to the rule.

There are the celebrities who you watched on a television show & when they re-appear in a new show have a visually different appearance.  When you look at them and know that they had some work done.

Since I do not enjoy needles, surgery, recovery or pain, I never really considered the idea of ever wanting surgery for real.  Don’t get me wrong, until I saw the fat sucking vacuum the idea of lipo did hold a certain appeal even back then.

As a 45 yr old woman (ok just got there so still getting used to the 5 part of this) who looks at herself in the mirror and sees a stranger staring back, oh believe me, I have thought about it.  I have googled plastic surgeons, I have talked to dermatologists.  If I didn’t fear, I would be much more knowledgeable on the subject.  If I wasn’t afraid that I would immediately look like every plastic surgery joke, I wouldn’t be saving for vacations, I would be saving for a butt-load of ‘improvements’.

Vanity?  Sure, but I’m ok with that 🙂

Ok so anyway, the other side of the coin.  I don’t pass judgment on what I classify as ‘big’ stuff but damn if I didn’t realize that I judge ‘little’ stuff like I am Judge Judy.  I judge ‘stupid’ without qualm.  I judge ‘annoying’ without thought.  I judge facebook posts, I judge facebook pictures, I judge ‘friends’ that seemingly cannot survive without constant updating & replies. Let’s not even mention outfit’s that have no business seeing the light of day.  For a non-judgmental person, I sure throw down the gavel.

Perhaps I should try spreading the empathy to the little stuff too J

The journey continues………..

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